I Love You Always... I Like You Sometimes...

For Valentine’s Day a few years ago my husband and I were going through one of the most difficult times in our marriage. As we were approaching the upcoming Hallmark holiday, I felt obligated to do something but my emotions weren’t really into the holiday.

Not wanting to get a lovey dovey card that didn’t really express how I was feeling, I bought my husband a big stuffed dog and pinned a paper heart to its mouth that said “I love you always… I like you sometimes.”

Isn’t that life sometimes? We don’t always like what we are doing. We don’t like all of our co-workers. Our children drive us insane. And our loved ones are often the ones that make us the most upset. So are we supposed to lie about our feelings, pretending that everything is just grand, or can we have a healthy love for others without always liking what is going on? I think so.

I don’t always like that my husband leaves dishes around the house or that he spends large chunks of time in his man cave. I don’t always like that we don’t agree on how to spend our money. I don’t always like cleaning or being the one to organize the home. Yet, often these are the things that erode the love in a relationship. When I wrote that “love note” to my husband, I was beginning to realize that none of the things that I don’t ‘like’ constitute a reason to not ‘love’ my husband.

I love him because of who he is not what he is or the small details of our interactions. I love my husband because, while he doesn’t always get it right, he tries to make us happy. I love my husband because I know that he’ll stick with me when I’m having a bad day, month or year. I love him because he is willing to work long hours so that I can volunteer to build a non-profit organization. But honestly, when everything seems to be falling apart - when it looks like we will join the statistic of 75% of police marriages ending in divorce - I have to make a choice that while sometimes I may not like my husband, I can still make the choice to love him

I think that when Jesus said “love your neighbors as yourself” this was what he was talking about. It’s not an emotional reaction, but a conscientious choice. It is a choice to love a neighbor even when things aren’t reciprocated. You don’t really like them. They are from a different cultural, economic, religious, or social status. They rub you the wrong way. They are strangers. You think they are making bad choices. You’ve tried to help before and got hurt. Getting involved in people's lives is messy, because people are involved. Real people with their problems, faults, and opinions.

I wonder how many of us are celebrating this Valentine’s Day and while we bought the romantic card from Hallmark, we should really scribble on a piece of paper… “I love you always… I like you sometimes.”